Grief can be difficult. Everyone’s experiences and how they process their grief is different.
If someone you know is grieving, it can be hard to watch them go through that process. Those grieving can deal with a range of painful emotions like sadness, depression, anger, and guilt. You may find yourself struggling to find the right words to say or things to do in this instance.
When someone is grieving, they often feel alone in their struggle because people don’t know how to offer support. It’s during this time, more than ever, that the grieving person simply needs someone to be there. Here are ways to offer help and support to someone who is grieving.
Understand the Grief Process
Understanding grief and the general process will make you better equipped to provide assistance.
There isn’t one right way (or wrong way) to grieve. Movement through the stages of grief may not be linear or predictable. For some, it can be a slow-moving train, while others may experience a roller coaster of emotions with intense highs or lows. Avoid comments that imply someone should or shouldn’t be doing certain things.
There also isn’t a timetable for healing. On average, grieving can take 18 to 24 months as a whole. Some will heal faster, while some will experience longer journeys. Avoid pressuring them to heal faster or implying that they take too long to recover. Such comments can actually have the opposite effect.
Provide Effective Feedback
Knowing what to say to someone grieving can be challenging, especially if circumstances are severe. When emotions are strong, behaviors like crying, lashing out at others, or obsessing over the topic may follow. Don’t pass judgment on them for the resulting behaviors. It isn’t personal.
Be mindful not to give off false or meaningless platitudes. It invalidates their feelings more than anything and certainly isn’t helpful. There isn’t anything to say at the moment that will instantly fix their mood. Instead, provide reassurance that what they are feeling and experiencing is normal. A little comfort and reassurance can go a long way.
Listen
Grief can be an isolating experience. Don’t assume someone grieving wants to be alone or should be alone. Engage in conversation, whether it’s about the situation itself, the person involved, recounting memories, or any other direction. Be an active listener for them to lean on.
People also tend to worry more about what to say to make someone feel better when in reality, listening is more important and effective. A person grieving needs to feel that their situation is acknowledged and important.
Don’t attempt to redirect the conversation or fix the problem. Let it flow however comfortable they feel and provide a listening ear. By being present in the conversation, you are giving them more support than you may realize.
Offer Physical Assistance
Someone grieving may have a difficult time asking outright for help. In some instances, they may not be able to identify what specifically they need. Rather than offering a statement of them letting you know if/when they need something, be more productive in your approach.
Ask direct questions or offer to do specific things. Offer to pick up groceries or personal items from the store. Bring prepared food to them. Offer assistance with daily household tasks or managing bills, childcare, pet care, phone calls, or any other preparations needing to be done.
Be an advocate for them to engage in self-care or leisure tasks to help in the healing process. Take them out to lunch, a movie, a walk, or a day adventure to distract them.
If a teen you know is struggling with grief, encourage them to seek professional assistance. Don't hesitate to encourage them (or yourself) to reach out for grief counseling.