The teen years can be quite challenging. Many parents would agree.
They are filled with resistance, rebellion, fully loaded social calendars, and sometimes even attitudes. In addition to all the joys.
When it comes to schoolwork or household chores (or even a job if that’s applicable), motivating an unmotivated teen can feel like an uphill battle. Take a second look though.
Odds are, your teen is more motivated than you might think. They are probably very motivated to hang out with their friends, stream the latest TV show, play a popular video game, or participate in the latest TikTok craze.
The key here is to find a way to channel their motivation into something more productive. Light a fire. Spark ambition. Whatever you want to call it. Here are some tips to get that process started.
Be an Active Listener
For multiple reasons, it is important to truly listen to your teen. As a parent, there is much time and effort spent on teaching them things or telling them what to do. They’re probably getting that from a lot of different directions. The adults are doing a lot of talking.
Listen to your teen and see what input they can provide you. What are their interests and what inspires them? What are their limitations? Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions based on these responses. Finding out this information can assist you in figuring out what will motivate them more productively.
Be a Role Model
Teens are very impressionable and will frequently change behaviors based on what is being modeled to them. Take a moment of self-reflection. What kind of pictures are your actions and words painting for them?
If you are anxious about deadlines or expressing negative attitudes towards your own work, you are giving them a disappointing reality. Based on this vibe, they will be less than motivated to do their own work.
Make them the Driver
So many teens are actually craving responsibility and reduced perceived control. Allow your teen to choose their own adventure and succeed or fail (within reason). Being responsible for their actions and whatever consequences come into play can be motivating in itself.
Positive outcomes are more motivating than negative, so provide subtle guidance when necessary.
Avoid Nagging
If anything is less than motivating, it is nagging, especially to a teenager. At the end of the day, your teen has heard you say what you want them to do. It’s often a choice to avoid it. Repeating the same information over and over again will probably not drive them to do better.
It’s like telling a child not to touch a hot stove and then they immediately go and do it. Nagging your teen can lead them to do the exact opposite of what you’re asking. When it is their reasoning for completing a task, they will be much more motivated.
Suggest Goal Writing
Life may seem like the hardest it will ever be during the teen years. School workloads are heavy. Job duties can add to it. Trying to maintain social relationships or extracurricular activities can be exhausting. If your teen is feeling overloaded, this may be part of why they don’t appear as motivated.
Have an open discussion about what their goals are. Encourage them to write them down and maybe prioritize them if the list gets long. Research has proven that goal writing leads to more success and achievement.
Be a guide in this process. If their goals are too large or unrealistic for the present time being, help them scale back or break them down to something more achievable in the short term. Success equals more motivation.
Is your teen struggling to find motivation, or appears to be unmotivated? Schedule a consultation today to discuss some helpful options for teen therapy.